I believe in the Deep Mystery of creation. Every time egg and sperm meet they defy the odds—the Mystery shows itself. Every time implantation occurs and cells begin to develop and divide, the Deep Mystery takes form and shape.
If these were purely biology we could repeat the process over and over in the lab with consistent, predictable results. Even with all our hi-tech fertility procedures, we cannot. All we can do is set up optimum situations for the Mystery to make itself known.
My three Dear Little Ones, even though they never drew a breath, connected me to this Mystery in ways which continue to reveal themselves in blessing and by grace, as I live out my days in live and grief of them.
Over the years I've sat with so may people praying for a miracle. So very few get the answer they were looking for. I’ve only known one family, in all these years, whose prayers for their child were answered in the way most people define a miracle. A three year old child who, for all of medical knowledge, had only the smallest fraction of hope to live a severely limited existence, if at all, recovered completely. Today this child is a healthy grade-schooler, on the honor role and continues to hit all of his developmental milestones. His parents got their miracle. The Mystery revealed full of grace and blessing. Sadly, these seven years later these parents are divorced and in enmity with one another. Their miracle child is very beautiful, and very confused by all that’s going on in the family.
I mention this because it is teaching me that the miracle is not the point, as deeply as we long for it. The point really is to live with depth and compassion into all our important relationships, most especially when we are in pain, with ourselves. For me, it is in continuing to struggle with this living in which the Deep Mystery makes itself known, especially when I feel deep sorrow for the losses I must survive.
I must force myself to remember that for reasons that I cannot understand and actually hate, yes, hate, that death, the death of my children and of my parents when I was so young is a part of that Mystery. I must trust that, in time, the Mystery will make graces and blessings known as I continue to struggle the living of these days in the depth of life and compassion.
If these were purely biology we could repeat the process over and over in the lab with consistent, predictable results. Even with all our hi-tech fertility procedures, we cannot. All we can do is set up optimum situations for the Mystery to make itself known.
My three Dear Little Ones, even though they never drew a breath, connected me to this Mystery in ways which continue to reveal themselves in blessing and by grace, as I live out my days in live and grief of them.
Over the years I've sat with so may people praying for a miracle. So very few get the answer they were looking for. I’ve only known one family, in all these years, whose prayers for their child were answered in the way most people define a miracle. A three year old child who, for all of medical knowledge, had only the smallest fraction of hope to live a severely limited existence, if at all, recovered completely. Today this child is a healthy grade-schooler, on the honor role and continues to hit all of his developmental milestones. His parents got their miracle. The Mystery revealed full of grace and blessing. Sadly, these seven years later these parents are divorced and in enmity with one another. Their miracle child is very beautiful, and very confused by all that’s going on in the family.
I mention this because it is teaching me that the miracle is not the point, as deeply as we long for it. The point really is to live with depth and compassion into all our important relationships, most especially when we are in pain, with ourselves. For me, it is in continuing to struggle with this living in which the Deep Mystery makes itself known, especially when I feel deep sorrow for the losses I must survive.
I must force myself to remember that for reasons that I cannot understand and actually hate, yes, hate, that death, the death of my children and of my parents when I was so young is a part of that Mystery. I must trust that, in time, the Mystery will make graces and blessings known as I continue to struggle the living of these days in the depth of life and compassion.
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