Friedrich Pacher, "The Bosom of Abraham" (detail), c. 1490. Novacella Abbey Cloister, Bressanone, Italy.
"What is the use of knowing our weakness if we do not implore God to sustain us with His power? What is the value of recognizing our poverty if we never use it to entreat His mercy. . . . The value of our weakness and of our poverty is that they are the earthin which God sows the seed of desire [for Him]." Thomas Merton
Very Wise Spiritual Director continues to encourage, nudge, suggest that I lay my poverty before God. This is one of those things in the life of faith, in prayer, that sounds so simple: Where I am weak, He is strong. Cast your burdens. That ubiquitous “Footprints” story. And all those.
But that is not what he means. We both know it.
To know our own weakness as the “seed of (our) desire [for Him],” means to come in prayer not just in our weakness begging for mercy for who we know ourselves to be, but asking Jesus there to send the Holy Spirit to illumine our self deceptive hearts so that we may recognize, as we are able, the greater depth of our poverty and the radical truth of our inability to do anything of enduring value to help ourselves.
Anyone who has ever worked a good 12 Step Recovery knows the truth of this. The human heart and mind have an uncompromising and deeply subtle capacity for self deception. They deftly seek to resist any suggestion that they are not in control and on top of things; that solutions and answers are not within their grasp, even in the poverty of our prayers, even in our perceptions of our own weakness.
Lord Jesus Christ, the deepest desire of my heart is to know you more fully. The poverty of my heart and the weakness of my will seem overwhelming to me, yet I know that they are but a scant portion of that which keeps me from knowing your mercy and grace in my life as fully as you intend for me.
As I come unsteadily before you, send your Holy Spirit to me that I might find the strength to see more clearly all that is within me that keeps me from knowing and loving you. Heal me of those things which would keep me from knowing more fully the depth of your grace and mercy for the living of my days. This, Dear Lord, is my heart’s desire, to live in you as fully as I am able, and to live graciously and with a heart of mercy among your people. Amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment